I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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