i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
