Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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