called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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