Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
