Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
