"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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