I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
