we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
