It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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