When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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