drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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