shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
