The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
