My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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