i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
