Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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