thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
