so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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