I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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