I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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