Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He did a backflip because drugs
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