I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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