just come out here and I will go home with you...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
