I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
