I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
