i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
