If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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