Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
