I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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