just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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