i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
