mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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