Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
