I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
