Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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