this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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