She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
