i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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