So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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