I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
