I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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