Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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