FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
