fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
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He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
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We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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