Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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