I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
