I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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