WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
