She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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