apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
