Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Is it because I queefed?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
