i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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