I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
