the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
