I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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