I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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