On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Are my feet made of real feet?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
