That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
