I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
