How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
